BumBleBee BayBee ... Hooked On You Honey ..

Reminise

2008-03-06T00:00:00.000+08:00

This Song Is For You....

Like You'll Never See Me Again

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed
So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again
Oh Oh Oh
How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me..

Haiz. Im trying so hard to be strong.
Try not to think abt it.
Why Must he act like he dun care??
Doesnt he knows how much he's hurting me???????
I just wish we wldnt go thru this again cuz i tot we gt over the chidish quarrels.
i guess not.
Mayb this time, i'll make it real.

Arrgghhh.

2008-03-01T22:34:00.000+08:00

Hate the fact that you used my past to discriminate me.
Cant get over it, then too bad.

I DO LOVE U, U NOE????

i need a drink.

= The Life =

2008-02-02T19:57:00.000+08:00

Well, its been a long time since ive updated.
Loads of Things happened.
But if i wanna repeat all,
well lets just say i wanna forget watever thatz happened b4 this.

Jannah's getting engaged tmr.
I cant believed ma best friend is getting engaged!!
TMR!!
Arrggh!!
When's ma turn man??
Laughing Out Loud!!!

Tmr goin her hse in d morning..
Then goin to tiz gathering with shamil...
Must bake cake layta...
LAZY man...

For Shamil...

ics & MySpace Codes

Hate That I Love You.

2007-11-15T20:44:00.000+08:00

The longer the relationship is,
the more it wont work..

When we just fall in love,
we can do ANYTHING for our loved ones..

Myspace Heartbreak Comments

But when it gets longer,
when d feeling's lost,
We doubt everything..

Things we used to do willingly when we 1st started out,
we do it grudgingly now..

Myspace Heartbreak Comments

And what happened just now proves it all..
I guess im just waiting 4 it all to really end.
Since he wants everything to be his way,
mite as well he find sumone who can go along with him.
I Hate This.

Myspace Heartbreak Comments
Use to say Forever..
But..

Graphics for Heartbreak Comments

Selamat Hari Raya..

2007-10-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

Today is the second day of Raye..
And im at home..
haha..
Plans cancelled to go out with d family..
So bored at home..
But yest was fun..
Dpt duit la..
hehehe..
Da tue2 nie masih org kasi..
Berkat la katekan..
=)
Pictures layta la...
Havent uploaded larh..

Get Your Graphic Here

Myspace I Love You Comments

Tiring Day

2007-10-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

Arrggghhh!!!
Im So Tired!
Went To Werk And Do Some Housework,
Like Washing And Scrubbing In The Kitchen ..
Haha..
Not Complaining La But,
Hahaha..
Still Tired..
Then Tmr Have To Be At Werk By 9am..
*Yawnz*
I Think Im Gonna Sleep Early Today..

Myspace Insult Comments & Graphics

Long Into The Relationship ......

2007-10-04T20:34:00.000+08:00

I Wonder Why,
Do We Have To Be So Calculative About Everything.

Is It That The Longer We Are In A Relationship,
We Start To Lose The Meaning Of Give & Take?

Haiz..
Talking Cock La Me..

Just Now At Werk Nothing To Do..
Waited For Fad At Starbucks Till 11.35am Liddat,
Then Went To D Store..
Did Nothing La Basically..
Then Went To Starbucks Again And He Taught Me How To Do,

1)Payroll
2)Ordering

And So On...
Went Home Arnd 2.20pm I Think..

Its Been Two Days Since I've Met My Bf...
Miss Him La..
And He's Coming Over Tonite..
Heheheh..
=)

Myspace I Miss You Comments & Graphics

Dedicated To The Boyfriend

2007-10-04T19:17:00.001+08:00

Graphics for Hearts CommentsIf You Read Abot My Past Life,Please Don't Fret About Everything That Has Happened.What's Past IS Past.Don't Ask Me Things That Will Hurt Me.All That You Need To Know Is That,From The Moment That I Met You Till Now,I've Always Loved You And Only You.

Graphics for Hearts Comments

Lets Start New

2007-10-03T23:28:00.001+08:00

So New Blogskin..
Hehehe...
Update tmr or what la..

To Shamil,

Myspace Kisses Graphics

=happy...?guess so=

2007-03-02T12:04:00.000+08:00

sim back with him..
im happy..
but alot has changed...
things that i hafta get used to...
which is hard 4 me...

n i think he dun noe that..
he just expects it to be that way...
n if itz not he'll treaten me..
is this what they call love?

i just dun want it to be that way..
i want us to give n take..
but it seems like im d one who's been giving since d day we gt back together.

i feel so supress when i cant be myself..
he wants me to change almost everything..

but i will..
im willing to change if i noe im wrong..
i just hope he change to...

i love him so much..
just hope he appreciate d changes ive made just to be with him.

=please=

2007-02-28T12:47:00.000+08:00

please come back.

please.

please.

lets try again...

itz worth the try...

please...

=cries=

=almost giving up=

2007-02-28T05:39:00.000+08:00

itz been 1 whole day yest..
i din msg him..
itz hard...
went out..
tried to have fun but it din help..
2dae told maklong that i want her to help me to forget him..
i will try every way to forget him...
n maklong said that i wont even remember him aft that..
all the memories...
all the love is all gone..

tomorrow is supposed to be our 9th mth together...
wanted so much to get back with him ...
but its not possible anymore..
he dun even miss me..
he dun even cared anymore..
i think he like his life w/o me..
gaji tak yah pk sal aku..
le g prac moto ngan duit die sumer..
i wont be in the way..

but i cant hold on..
i wanted to give in..
i wanted to change..
but watz d use if he's not willing to change?
oh goodness...
im so so so sad..

i just wish he knew how much i wanted to make things werk..
i wish he knew how much this relationship means to me..
d only relationship that im really willing to sacrifice.

if he wanted me to leave..
then i will..
sumtimes, i pray that he will msg me..
i waited..
like a fool..
wanted to msg him but....
watz d use?

i just wanna give it another try b4 everything disappear..
i rather be unhappy with him than be happy with another guy.
i dun want another guy.

does he have another gal?
im just fucking no use la.
so who's gonna take ma place huh sayang?
sum1 i noe?
sum1 u just get to know?

i just want to forget him.
everytime i tink abt 28 may 2006,
i just feel like crying.
im 20..
ya2..
i can handle it..
im a big girl..
just try going thru wat im goin thru n u will noe..
how hard n depressing it is.

is it hard to try again?
we used to say that nothing can break us up unless a third party cums by..
but i dun have it..
do you sayang?

itz not ok, ok?
pple thot we ere d perfect couple.
that we were always happy
n will never ever break up.

i did try to accept the fact..
but its hard.
i dun noe how he can do it.

everything that we had is a lie.
a lie that kills me inside.
fuck im so emo bt this is the only place i can let out everything..
everyday i wear a mask,..
trying to be happy..
im such a fake.
but thatz d only way to move on.

tomorrow will just be a dream..
a beautiful dream that will just float by me.
a dream that will never come true.

pple say loneliness is beautiful..
but its really not..
this is the worst breakup ive ever gone thru.
n i hope thatz d last.

tak gune setia ngan org yg tak menghargai..
thks 4 everything..
i appreciate what u did 4 me.

i wish i could express all that im feeling nw..
but sumtings i just cant explain..
eveywhere i go,
im reminded of him.

im goin out again 2day..
nt putting so much hope whether i'll be happy or nt.

thks pple 4 trying to cheer me up..
i just need more time..
n if maklong is rite..
i wont even remember him by fri or sat..
maybe itz best that way..
losing ma memory with him..
hanya tuhan saje yg memahami bertapa sakit dan pilunya hati ini..

usah biarku bersendirian..
thatz wat he use to say..
i guess he can go on w/o me..

=over=

2007-02-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

he wont cum back.

plz be strong seri.

plz be strong.

he likes his life now.

he's free.

i shld stop blogging abt him.

the end.

happy 9th mth ani...

in ma dreamz.

=love=

2007-02-26T12:18:00.001+08:00

i love him too much.
cant move on.
cant slp..
spent ma time crying...
but i will stop..
ma new frenz will help me...

if i have 3 wish,
i wish that he wld be mine again.
i wish that we wld be just like how we used to be.
i wish that we will NEVER break up.

but thatz just wishful thinking.
itz not gonna happen.
he alwayz thot that i wld go bk 2 ma exz n all..
but thatz so nt true.

i dun think he realise wat im feeling.
i alwayz cry, i noe..
but tatz all i can do..

i wanna move on.
i will move on.
find a job.
save money.
keep maself bz.
w/o him.

=doaku buatmu=

2007-02-25T14:25:00.001+08:00

dalam kehidupan mesti ada kebahagiaan dan kesedihan...
ada kekalahan dan kemenangan...

dalam percintaan tidak semestinye kita mesti hidup bahagia untuk selamanya.
kadang kala kebahagiaan itu tidak terletak pada orang yang kita sayangi.

aku rindu padanya.
pada saat kita amat berbahagia.
akan kita berjanji tidak akan berpisah.
janji2 yg aku sanjungi..
yang aku harap2kan..

tetapi malang...
saat bahagia it hanya sementara..
tika manusia berubah..
hati dan perasaan jua berubah..
budi pekerti jua akan bertukar ganti..

kini kian muram..
senyuman seakan2 pudar..
luput dari ingatan...

dalam kesedihanku ini..
aku amat mengharapkan kekasih yang ku kenali dahulu..
kekasih yang amat ku sanjungi..
kekasih yang ku tahu tidak akan menyakiti hatiku ini..

sayang,
kembalikan lah padaku..
kekasih yg pernah bertahta dihatiku ini..
walaupun ku tahu ia amat payah..
aku rela berkorban..

demi kebahagiaan kita berdua..
mengapa kau tidak mengerti..
bahawa hati ini tidak mungkinkan bertukar ganti..

aku sedang mempertahankan cinta kita..
walaupun engkau tidak peduli..
jangan sesekali pun engkau katakan yang cinta kita tidak membawa erti padamu.
aku ingin kau kembali..
bersama2 berjuang untuk membina cinta yg kita bina dahulu..
cinta yang amat indah dimata semua yg memandang..

sayang,
ku merayu padamu..
tiap malam airmata menjadi saksi kerinduan ku padamu...
penyesalan yang tak terkate..
aku rase terseksa..

sayang,
ketahuilah...
kasih sayangku ini hanya untukmu...
walau apa pun yang akan terjadi...
lepaskan diriku bkn kerna terpaksa...

jikalau ku tidak kau perlukan lagi..
ku harap kau kan selalu bahagia..
tanpa diriku.

happy 9mths in advance daddy..
if ur still mine..

=nEw cHaPtEr=

2007-02-12T19:57:00.001+08:00

I shld move on.
now.
at this very moment.

he wont be there 4 me animore.
nt even tomorrow.

i have to face up to this alone.
i hate him 4 this.

this time its real.
no denial.

wasted ma time n effort 2 be with him.
to be faithful.

i guess im to be blame.
i did sumtin stupid.
i lost EVERYTHING.

finding the strength to move on.
in ijal.
in halman.
in faez.
in myself.

he wanted me to move on.
i did.

nobody will noe wat i feel inside.
itz killing me.
but i have to let it go.

no more watching movies..
no more cumin to ma hse..
no more meeting him..
no more love frm him.
no nothing..

im very2 sad.
but i cant do anything abt it.

maybe i'll find sum1 new..

valentine day alone.
everything alone.

i need to be strong.
i AM strong.

i did love you...
but u choose it to be this way.
i tot we wld last..
but i was soo soo wrong.

thks 4 everything.
i'll miss u.
but maybe not 4 long.

=hope=

2007-02-11T21:13:00.001+08:00

so itz over.
ya.
im so hurt.
y must he treat me this way.

''aku masih nak njoy.
masih nak kuar ngan kwn2 aku.
k tkcr.''

it hurts.
he chose his frenz over me.
everybody chose sumthing else over me.
im like nothing to anybody.

y?
y must it happen this way?
im only left with 1 day to spent with him.
then i dun now wat'll happen....
y must he leave me in times like this..

=cries=
i really want him 2 be with me..
but why now...?
shamil...'haiz...

its ok...

''tidak kesampaian..
cinta kita...''

shamil will undastand that song.
i hope he gets sum1 else who can undastand him better than me.

=feeling blue=

2007-02-09T12:50:00.000+08:00

i want to be with him.
i love shamil sooo much.
=smiles=

just a few more days left..
i dun really wanna count the days but its like auto counting..

now im like watching ''the dance floor'''
haiz...

im bored with ma life rite now...
nothing to do..
just waiting 4 d verdict..

and my family is talking abt wat i did wrong..
just when i tried to forget it..
haiz..

=all on my own=

2007-02-01T06:41:00.000+08:00

maybe its meant to be..
maybe i deserved it.
but i nvr reali knew wat lies behind those walls.
n when i go thru it,
i regretted it.
how i wish i dun have to go thru it.
how i wish that it was all a nightmare.

n goin thru it alone is painful enuf.
im scared.
im so so scared.

i just wanna spent all the time i have with him.
maybe he thinks its not impt.
its ok..
maybe the money is more mpt now that i cant help him....
just have to accept it.

ya allah, tolong la hambamu ini...

movin' forward....

2007-01-16T10:32:00.000+08:00

im happy with my life now..
minus d fites n finance issue..
shamil's still mine..
despite most pple thinkin dat we wont last long..
d work's great..
more money...

tmr goin swimming with shamil..
best tau....
hope 2 relax a bit tmr.....

nwadays abit tired...
cant wait 4 tmr..

=enough is enough=

2006-12-19T10:43:00.000+08:00

he lied.
again.
how many times he wanna lie to me?
how many times does he wanna break his promise?

do i feel hurt?
disappointed?
angry?
no..
im numb.

how can he even tink of treating me this way?
now..
i cant even trust him abt ANYTHING anymore.

y am i still his?
he prefers girls who show their body.
he likes to look aT STUPID PICTURES!

SO Y M I STILL HERE?
im such a fool ah 2 fall 4 a guy like him.

can i cry..?

=life=

2006-11-21T10:16:00.000+08:00

'' ppn sundal.watever.aku tau aku tak tpu kau.
kau yg bodo tak g skola.aku pn tak kesa kau tak kesa.hapi?''

ya..... so thatz how it is.
im stupid.
with perfect prove frm d person that i loved d most.

ya....so thatz how i hafta accept it.
im hurting.
and i think i dun nid sumbody who alwayz put me down.

i am not a bitch.
n y d hell must he say im stupid!!!!????
im so hurt.

i really need shamil now.
but i didnt even tell him.
i din even msg or call him.
im trying hard to ignore him.
i cant.
i wanna cry now.
but i noe i hafta be strong.
i want him so much now.
but i cant go to him.
im stupid.
im not worth it 4 him.

=period=

=MiZuNdErStOoD=

2006-11-17T07:40:00.000+08:00

why when im really sad abt something
when i tried to express it to him
it will alwayz end up wrong.

why must he always think that i still have feelings for ma ex?
why must he even think that way?

havent i showed him enuf love?
havent i prove to him that he's d only 1 in ma heart?

what have ma exs got to do with ma relationship with him?
i totally dun even think of them when im with him...

but now..
why must he makes it diff 4 me 2 forget them?
why must he always bring up all the things that have hurt me b4?

does he like making me suffer over n over again?
does he like seeing me cry?

when he talks abt ma exs..
what they do 2 me..
what i did to them in return..
doesnt he know that it kills me?

shamil....
please dont assume..
i totally dont feel aniting for them animore..

I HATE PEOPLE WHO DISTROY MA LIFE WITH YOUR LIES!!!!!

=hurt=

2006-11-16T07:59:00.000+08:00

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
It's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

fighting everyday.
losing hope.
different views.
different dreams.

haiz.

=im sorry=

2006-11-05T15:04:00.000+08:00

i feel guilty abt what i wrote in d earlier post.
no matter what,
i still love him.
i cant bear to leave him.
itz bin 5 mths.
n im still holding on.
i just hope he know how hard it is 4 me rite now.
i just wanna be happy with him.
last long.
eventhough he is not happy,
i did try to make him happy.

=sigh=

i want him 2 care abt me.
use his own initiative.
not ask me how i feel only when i ask him 2.
i want him 2 ask me out of his own free will!!!!
NOT WHEN I PROMPT HIM 2 ASK ME!!!!
doesnt he CARE at ALL???
IS IT 2 MUCH 2 ASK?
isit sayang?
m i askin 2 much?

i got no voice.
my leg is swollen.
i gt headache.
im tinkin how n i supposed 2 go 2 work tmr.
im tinkin maybe i juz force maself.

isit it pathetic to complain to a blog??
i got a bf.
so how come i still turn to a computer oriented program to express how i feel????

shld i juz keep quiet n just bear with all this pain??
i dun wanna break.
i dun wanna him 2 leave me.
is this wat they call sacrifice?

== korbankan segala perasaan ku
hanya demi utk bersama mu sayang ==

=hurt deep inside=

2006-11-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

hurt.
thatz all im feeling 4 d past few days.

m i stupid?
mi useless?

does ma tears meant nothing to u?
y did u critisize me?
y did u put me down?
y must u hurt me with d words that u say?

i tot u were ma support.
i tot u cld help me and help me up when i fall.
but i was wrong.

i tot u were proud of me.
but ure not.

i may have faults.
i may not be perfect.
but that doesnt give u d right 2 judge me,
just by looking at ma mistakes.

i am who i am.
i cant take it.
d 1 that i depend on,
is d 1 2 put me down.

i can forgive.
but i cant forget.

im sorry.
4 blaming u 4 everything that i cldnt do.
n ive hurt maself.

mayb im d cause when u said all tat u said.
mayb wat u sae is true.

"kenapa harusku bercinta,
kenapa ku begini?
kenapa harus ku merayu?
kenapa ku percaya?
kenapa harus ku dikecewakan?
kenapa harus ku diperbodohkan kasih?
engkau punca segala kepedihan dihati
tak ingin ku melihat wajahmu dihadapanku"

he thought that maybe ive forgotten everything.
but i didnt.
im hurt.
till now.
at this very moment.
n he's out.
having fun.
its ok.
im sick aniwae.
it dun matter that he dun care that im sick.
i can take care of maself.

there goes a saying,
'' i'll be there whenever you nid me be it in d middle of the nite ''
but its not true.
cuz sumtimes sleep is more impt.

i cant deny that i love him.
so much.
too much.

i guess its true,
that when u love sum1 2 much it hurts.

i want so much 2 tell u how i feel.
but everytime i do,
u wld be angry at me in d end.

ure d 1 who pushed me away.
ure d 1 who made me change.
ure d reason y im crying everyday.

u dun have 2 bother,
cuz i dont.

=SeLAmAt hArI RaYa=

2006-10-30T09:00:00.000+08:00

yes...
da raye...
sumhow it doesnt feel like raye this year...
ntah la...

da stop keje pat PH...
keje pat VivoCity la plak..
pat Zara...
dun noe how it will be...
start werk Wednesday...
in d morning...

i and shamil are into our 5th mth..
on d 28th..
which was yesterday..
so happy la!!!!

hope we last long...
duh...
he was so scared..
of me working at a new place...
i was scared too...
ntah la..

besok kuar ngan bdk2 PH...
pakai aju gold ngan shamil..'
=smiles=

=aRrGh=

2006-10-11T06:47:00.000+08:00

i want money....
i need money...
=cries=

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

da li baju..
baju lawa...
colour merah..
baju nan shamil lagi lawa..
colour gold..
=smiles=

his family very the nice...
i lioke....
they treat me very nice...
hmm....
did i make a good impression on them?
i noe i did...

now im talking to him...
n he said something to hurt me ah...
he said sampai bile asyik nak ngn i jek...
asyik nak g keje ngn i jek..
abih lau tknk then takyah la..
aku pakse ke?

haiz..
nemind la..

muz alwayz give in la...
no no no..
HE muz alwayz give in...
he better not lie to me animore...

haha..
aniwae...
sayang if ure reading this...
the song is 4 u..
muahahaha...
u know i know..
=muackz=

=thE LiEs=

2006-10-08T04:11:00.000+08:00

im hurtt.
so hurtt.
i cantt explain.

i cantt seemed to express maself.
im supressing all tthatt im feeling.

tthe lies.
tthe reasons.
tthe words.

when will all tthe drama end?
is tthis how my love life is supposed tto be?

should i justt sttay and waitt?
for when happiness will prevail?

or when he sttop lying to me.
when he ttreatt me like he should.

i justt wantt tthe bestt for him.
n im willing tto suffer for itt.

=NoBodY kNoWs=

2006-10-05T03:32:00.000+08:00

everytime when you go out with me do you feel forced?
do i forced you to go out with me everytime?

only god knows how hurt i am to hear you say that yesterday...
why?
why did you say that?

is it true?
if it is then you dun hafta go out with me..

you can skip werk for your frenz...
take off for your family..
and what days off do you leave me with?

you are supposed to be happy everytime you go out with ur gf...
*sad face*

nomatter what...
no matter what you say..
or what u thought i did..
how hurt i am..
how much ive cried...
=You will always be a part of me=

=BrOkEn pRoMiiSeS=

2006-09-30T04:35:00.000+08:00

I dun care..
How can he just break our promise just like that?
When his frenz nvr ask him out, he will tell me that he wld not go out with his frens UNLESS im there with him....
When his frenz ask him out, he will automatically forget what he says..
N when i remind him, he will sae "da lame seh i tak jumpe drg....blah3"

I din even go out with ma frenz..
even when they ask me i will not go..
cuz i already promised him..

damn it!
why can i kip ma fucking promise n he cant?

cabot sembhg??
jumpe kwn??
k good.

he WAS supposed to mit me later in d evening..
but just forget it..
da lame kan tak jumpe kwn..
then i give him d whole day 2 spent with his frens...
i will go out with mine!

he can mit me what if he wanna cabot...
but NO....
he mit me everydae liao..
da boring pe...
2 pasal rela jumpe kwn..
ok.

Fuck with d relationship la!
Fuck with watever i wrote in d last posting!
Fuck what he said with he will do anything just to make me happy!
i hate promises la!!!!!!!!

why isit that i try so hard n when it comes to him it doesnt matter??
WHY??

M i making small issues big?
I simply dun care!
I hate it when he break his promise!!!!
he can even kip a simple promise!!!
so HOW CAN I TRUST HIM??

One day if i break all ma promises towards him,
Then he will feel what i feel..

He take it for granted that i wldnt do aniting...
dun try me la...

i setia pasal i syg u..
i simpan janji i pasal i syg u..
i takot kehilangan u pasal i syg u..

How can u say u try to understand?
ive been trying to explain to you almost everyday in our BORING conversation
on d phone...

nevermind...
its ok...
maybe im just sum1 that he only wanna make use of..
or maybe it just for past time...
watever it is...

=You can show me that you care..
if you dont then let it be..
i will just be your puppet=

4th Month Being Together...

2006-09-29T03:10:00.000+08:00

28 sEpTeMbEr 2006
Together with him...
I am happy...
Very...
eventhough he forgot abt it..
its ok...

We quarrel yesterday..
Over some issues that we both were not happy abt..
We sorted things out..
We cried...
He gave in to me...
I know he didnt wanna quarrel with me...

I do love him alot...
But sometimes i just think that im not good enuf...
Pple have said that this will be my longest relationship..
Because they know he wont cheat on me..
N i wont cheat on him...

I hope we wld try to understand each other better..
So as to kip this relationship going...

I do appreciate you...
You r d 1 who changed my life...
I love you...
=SmiLes=

TrUsT...?

2006-09-28T13:14:00.000+08:00

Do we really trust the person we love?
Can we really be patient with them?
Does understanding each other helps to hold the relationship together?

Little does he know that i myself try to be patient with him at times..
Little does he know of my efford to make this relationship last long..

arrgghhh..

Im tired..
Do this new blog n everything...

I wanna hug him eventhough im like a lil'pissed at him..
Im sorry cuz i deleted wat was not my right..
Im sorry.
Period.

blessed with love..

2006-09-26T13:05:00.000+08:00

This is Seri and Shamil...
This is whom i want to be associated with..
Who i wanna be with every single day of ma life...

Sometimes when im not in ma rite mind,
i wld often wonder if he will ever play bhind ma back..

when he dun call me,
my mind wander...
sometimes it makes me believe that he will really go away...

it makes me mad..
makes me cry..
makes me fil insecure n unsure..

i wanna make him understand..
i want him 2 know what im feeling...
=<

but sometimes..
it just doesnt happen..

but all i noe is that i always wanna be his.
period.

understanding

2006-09-24T11:03:00.000+08:00

thkz dear..
for being so understanding yesterday...

full story:
wake up..
bath..
hadta wait 4 him 2 come by ma place n go to court together..
told him 2 cum at 2.30pm but ended up he came at 3pm..
was pissed cuz court was at 3.45pm..
nvm..
was ma 1st day..
menstrual cramp like f**k..
court was like shit..
but close case oreadi..
started to get all pissy n grumpy..
but he still layan me so nice n all..
then went to bugis...
tak jadi gi kampung glam...
we ate kfc..
halfway ma cramp strted to get worse..
*screams*
then i was answering back so rudely to him...
he still take it in his stride..
being so patient with me..
watch miami vice 4 half n hour n i wanted to go home..
cannot tahan liao...
arrgghhh...
he called ma mummy 4 me n everything..
he tried to make me feel better....
we went home leaving the movie halfway...
taking the taxi....
i lie on his lap..
was so nice..
i love him so much la..
da smp umah..
ma cramp was like vanish,...
duh.
he is still being nice..
then we went to cwp..
met Dan, Anis n all..
eat at PH...
quarrel with hada cuz izal gave us free curry zazzle..
rizal kene buang keje..
haiz..

so i found out ma bf was actually very patient with me..
i was so grupy n all..
hehe..
sayang u!!!!

what hurts the most..

2006-09-19T03:35:00.000+08:00

no more school fer me..
can i really go on?..
everybody i know was so proud when i entered poly..
now ive let them down..
especially ma parents..
i can c how down n disappointed they were...

its all ma fault..
i regreted it a lil too late..
i hurt ma pride..
ma ego..
maself..
ma parents..
ma bf...
ma siblings..

now i have really lost ma self-confidence..
the day i found out i was not schling animore n then had a big fite with HIM,
i just broke down in the middle of the road in the middle of the nite..

nowadays..
every single thing that pple say to me that doesnt seem rite 2 me can make me angry..
i think ma bf can b the witness...

i cant help it..
i feel so useless...
that pple wld leave me becuz i was so stupid..

i can pretend..
but at the end of the day..
im still trying to get over the fact that im nt schling animore..
trying to assure maself that i can make it...
trying to make maself understand...

how can i make other pple understand how i feel..
if i maself cant understand?

should i just run away..?
or face all that i have to?

sometimes its just easier to run...

ps:happy birthday to ain n aisha..
i din forget...
i hope u guys understand..
*hugs*

HaPpinEsS WiThIn

2006-08-18T14:49:00.000+08:00

hE so loveSSSSSSS tO bE SaRcAsTiC!!!!
I DO NOT ORDER HIM ARND...
except when we r wekin la...
correct what...
*bleukz*
shamil2...
i will order u arnd MOrE!!!!
MuAhAhA...
=EVIL LAUGHTER!!!!!=

k tatz all..
n i know ure gonna read this...
haha..
love you..
FoReVeR aNd eVeR BaBe....

WaY Of LiFe..

2006-08-18T14:10:00.000+08:00

sometime i wondered whether you stayed with her for fun or isit that u really love her...browsing arnd n seeing the things i dun wanna see...i sense that mayb u do have strong feelings for her..mayb d last time i wasnt good enuf 4 u?

And y is that, may i ask?

ive done almost everything 4 u...m i rite to say that u dun appreciate me?..
watever it is...im moving on....ure no more that just a shadow..who have no say in ma life and
no place in ma heart..

=Back To Reality=
i missed ma marketing paper sia!!!!!!fuck sia...i tot it was next thurs sia!!!damn la..i hate this sia...i hate it when i wanna clear all ma papers n this kinda unnecessary things happened!!so i guess i'll just hafta repeat it next sem...=damn=
i hate maself for not studying for ma 1st yr...
i hate maself for giving in ti enjoyment..
i hate maself for being weak..
i hate maself..
i just hate maself..

was glad shamil was there 4 me eventhough he cant do aniting at it...
eventhough we always have misunderstandings, i know he will be there 4 me no matter wat...

y m i always jealous ah?
4 stupid things also i can b angry...
wat exactly m i not happy abt?
if only i knew...
then mayb i wldnt hafta quarrel with shamil all the time...
cuz i hate seeing him sad...
it hurts..
but sometime i feel that he dun understand me..
haiz...
watz the use of saying all this now...
all i know is that i wanna be with him all the way uh..

=Stars Are BlinD=
(So is love, if u ask me..)

I don't mind spending some time
Just hanging here with you
Cuz I don't find too many guys
That treat me like you do
Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride
But when I walk their talk is suicide
Some people never get beyond their stupid pride
But you can see the real me inside
And I'm satisfied,
oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love,baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you
My love, ohh oh
I could be your confidante
Just one of your girlfriends
But I know that love's what you want
If tomorrow the world ends
Why shouldn't we be with the one we really love?
Now tell me who have you been dreaming of
At night at home?
oh no, ohh
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby i'm perfect for you
Excuse me for feeling
This moment is critical
Might be me feeling
It could get physical,
oh no, no no
Even though the gods are crazy
Even though the stars are blind
If you show me real love baby
I'll show you mine
I can make you nice and naughty
Be the devil and angel too
Got a heart and soul and body
Let's see what this love can do
Baby I'm perfect for you
Baby I'm perfect for you.....

i miss ma frenz...
frenz who used to be a big part of ma life...
frenz that i pushed aside to pursue ma own happiness..
sometimes i wanted so much to spent time with them...
to update maself abt them...
i guess itz too late..
things changed..
they changed..
i feel so outcast la actually..
cant seemed to mixed arnd tat well nowadays...
cant seem to find ma own self-esteem...
i lose confidence in maself...
i guess ita all ma fault....

nobody knows...
nobody cares..
n i dun blame anione...
i only have maself to blame...

n to all ma frenz..
im sorry..
i wasnt a good fren...

perfect?....

2006-07-31T16:14:00.000+08:00

r we perfect 4 each other...?
r we really meant to be..?

y must people change..?
y must he change?

does he still feel the same 4 me?
does he not love me animore?

m i left in the darkness ?
m i not important animore?

whatz the use of explaining if he dont understand..?
whatz the use of carrying on?

i hate him
i do.
he is purposely not understanding me.
im fucking tired.
n he wants to choose this time to treat me like shit.
ok.
fine.
plz fuck off la.
im fine alone aniwae.

2006-07-18T16:59:00.000+08:00

=>no matter what..
u r always mine..<=

I love you..
Baby I love you..
You are my life..
My happiest moments weren't complete..
If you weren't by my side..
You're my relation and connection to the sun..
With you next to me..
There's no darkness I can't overcome..
You are my raindrops..
I am the seed..
With you and God who's my sunlight..
I'm blooming, grown so beautifully..
Baby I'm so proud,proud to be your girl (be your girl)..
You make the confusion go all away from this cold and misty world..
I am in love with you (in love)..
You set me free..
I can't do this thing called life without you here with me
'Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave,
Just keep loving me
The way I love you loving me
'Cause I, am in love with you (in love)
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
'Cause I'm dangerously in love with you (in love)
I'll never leave
Just keep loving me
The way I love you loving me
And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
'Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destinyI see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife and I see
My whole future in your eyes
In awe of my love for you
Sometimes makes me wanna cry
Realize all of my blessings
I'm grateful to have you by my side
I, am in love with you (I am in love)

F**k la...
dontyouknowhowmuchiloveyoushamil????whymustyoualwaysthinknegativeaboutme??whycantyoujustgetitinyourbrainthatiloveyouandonlyyou??????

MiZuNdErStOoD

2006-07-17T04:50:00.000+08:00

m i in d wrong?
y do u always blame me for something i didnt do?
y do u treat me like this?
how can u say that im happy with some1 else other than u?
u know thatz not true..

how can he do this to me?
every single day since they are there, he kips on pushing me..
pushing me away..
until i have no more strength to retaliate..
doesnt he know that i have no ulterior motive or watsoever towards them?
if only he know how much im into him then maybe....
maybe he wldnt say things that hurts..
things that r killing me deep inside..
feelings that maybe i myself cldnt control...

i wonder wat else does he wants from me...
ape lagi yg perlu aku korbankan?
maybe its not enough..
maybe im d 1 who treats him like s.h.i.t...
maybe its always been me..
maybe thatz y he's not happy with me...

=what should i do?=

"jgn kau pergi meninggalkan aku
tak sanggupku berpisah dengan mu
bagaimana nanti bila aku rindu
di mana tempat nak ku bermanja?

demi tuhan ku sayang padamu
airmata menjadi saksi nya
bagaimana lagi hendakku bukti kan
kesetiaan nya cintaku ini..

apakah lagi yg kau mahu?
tak cukupkah pergorbananku?
semoga kau mengerti perasanku
betapa ikhlasnya cintaku

bila hatiku sudah syg..
bukan mudah nak ku lupakan
biarpun pedih dugaan
relaku hadapi syg..."

how do i tell him?
how do i let him know?
is it worth d pain?
is it worth d tears?

2006-07-13T16:06:00.000+08:00

U ask whether i still love u?
The answer is yes..

Love u like last time?
More than u'll ever know..

U ask me whether i still care 4 u?
The answer is Yes of course i Do...

U ask me whether i hate u for all the mistakes that u've made?
The answer is No..

Cuz i will nvr hate you..
u're more than ma bf..
u're my best friend..
mY everyThing..

so please dont doubt me..
even for a second..
cuz u know that ive done almost everything..
to make this relationship work..

the rite time...

2006-06-27T17:26:00.000+08:00

i wanna update everydae if can bt just too bz w werk n sch 2 even surf the net...
no time man!!!!!

happiness

2006-06-19T13:17:00.000+08:00

lame da tak blog..
hahahha...
so im now with shamil...
haiz..
no more with azri..
things happened..
plans fail..
plans changed...

im into shamil now..
nak ckp lain..
ntah..
blog layta..
ma bro wanna use d comp..
*duh*

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3

2006-05-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

so went to c movie with the 'gay' just now...
c MI3 ..
Was fun...
he was so funny...
well, i was making d joke half d time too..
lol..
the 'gay' blanje mi c movie n all d expenses...
THANKZ eh...
if ma frenz were 2 noe who the 'gay' was,
they wld kill mi..
lol

aniwaes,
moving on...
saw mon...
fuck with him..
hate him like fuck..
he can fuck off..
pardon d language..

fought with azri like almost everyday sia...
gaduh then baik alik....
i still love him no matter wat....
i like cant leave him uh...
he means alot 2 me..

last thursday,
we went to c 'when a stranger calls'....
was fun..
suspence..

F lazy to blog actually..
and to the 'gay' its rabbit's foot NOT rabbit's tooth...
lol..
And to ma syg...
no matter wat happen,
i will always love you...
*duh*

SwEeT LoViNg HiM..

2006-05-08T16:51:00.000+08:00

YUP...
guess wat..
im attached...
*duh*
hhaaaha..
n im so happy abt it...
well wat i mean is im happy tat i have a bf who cares alot abt me uh...
nt just happy 4 d sake of having a bf..
*lolz*

i was 2gether with him on d 23rd of april 2006...
hahaha...
from d day i was with him till now im still blissfully happy..
haha..
considering d fact that we like quarrrel every nite...
4 stopid reason...
haha...
still acceptable...

went out with him every week...
watch movie...
then thurs he come to ma sch...
had Fun with him
PECAH PEROT!!!!!!

then sUnday pon jumpe...
sat nvr meet..
we quarrel AGAIN...
haha..
sun he came under ma blk n juz lepak-ing...

i wonder of i and him gt hope,
of being together longer then ma past relationship...
cuz aisha n alzrin broke up..<2>
n also jannah n remy..<10>
padahal,the two couples r perfect sia for each other...
haiz...

so yup..
done ma hwrk..
talkin to syg now...
blog next time...

2006-04-21T11:00:00.000+08:00

ma mood sux 2dae..
haiz..
cant believe i like raised ma voice at azri..
damn...
im like so sorry 4 tat azri..
im just not in d mood..
mayb itz cuz i juz wake up frm slp..
wth.

i nid a new bf.can?
lol...
tatz d stupidest q i can ever ask..

im so in love with him la...
just dun noe how 2 tell him..
haiz...

2006-04-20T13:50:00.000+08:00

normal day in sch..
abit bored...
not enuf slp...
dun noe wat 2 sae..
meet ijal yest..
kissed me..
wth...
doesnt matter..
lepak with aisha n han yest at civic...
yana was there too..
oh well...

i hate fallin 4 sum1 la rite now..
scared...
haiz..
but i am...
im like tryin 2 avoid it but cnt..
lol..

aku kene panggil ppm sundal juz cuz i gt lotsa guy frenz..
im single sia..
isit wrong to go out woth diff guy..

n ya mon plz eh..
mcm ko 2 setia sgt kat matair ko...
jgn tag la lau u gt nothing good to say..

pissed off sia..
wth

crush

2006-04-17T15:22:00.000+08:00

im like so d lazy 2 update..
juz d outline..
went out with aisha,yoda n azri on fri...
da la si yoda n azri lmbt...
azri lmbt 1 hr lak 2...
lol..
then c movie..
"triston n isolde"...
had fun sia...
lol..

then on sat ...
met azri again..
c movie again..
"black night"
scary sia..
but i felt comfortable la...
cuz....
lol..
4 me 2 noe..
4 all of u 2 find out..
lol...
cute sia azri..

then 2dae c movie again with aisha n her cuz..
"take the lead"
lol..
fun oso...
then go shoppin..
haha...
then eat at mac civic..
da lame tak trn..
rindu ..
mcm phm..

da la..
bsk sch...

i miss HIM sia
damn it

2006-04-14T18:56:00.000+08:00

went out with amru n aisha..
go town...
bored...
haiz..

no comments..
went to aisha hse yest n juz hung arnd..
lol..

then 2dae juz rest at home..
din even go out..
amru seems abit diff...
i noe he's pissed tat aisha followed us out but wat can i do..
haiz..
he called me juz now ,.
but d way he talks seems abit rude..
or watever..

its like so diff n weird if u think abt how this world go round..
some may think diff abt u..
some may juz hate u..
n some may just love u...
some may sae ur pretty..
some may sae ur not.
all this depends on each individual..
so i like learned not 2 believe wat pple sae 100%..

so y m i talkin abt this?
no idea..
lol..

2006-04-11T19:01:00.000+08:00

yest hang arnd we maya n ayu..
lepak smp mendak n very d lapar..
then mit maya frenz..
then i mit aisha n go aisha hse...
then mit toppa,naq and shasha..
talked abt lotsa things...
things tat i nvr expected..
tat ma friends wld backstabbed me..
oh well..
it doesnt matter aniwae...
4 me i juz heck care n move on...
tak pening kepala...
lol...

2dae mit amru again..
dun noe go whr..
lol..
best nyer....
*smiles*

zoo

2006-04-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

went zoo with amru on Sat..
had fun sia..
meet alot of animals...
cute2..
bau2 pon ader..
busuk sia..
d sealions were damn cute sia..
im like so in love with them..
here's some of d pics..

we walked d whole wae..
enjoy....
but aft d whole trip we were just too tired sia..
da mkn KFC..
trus ngantok..
lol..
we went to sleep in d library..
until d librarian told us off..
then we have to like get out..
then we go eat at delifrance..
sedap..
haha..

then mit maya,senget n su..
then go PH meeting...

early morning

2006-04-07T22:06:00.000+08:00

itz early in d morning..
went out with maya,yani n mon...
go town...
walk at bugis n everything..
bought a new belt...
style la...
lol..
went home arnd 11.30pm...
mon sent me home...
he's nice...
patient enuf 2 hear me out n lent mi a shoulder 2 cry on..
haiz..
moving on...

later at 10am meeting amru..
-smiles-
going to d zoo..
lol..
cnfirm happening..
hahaha...
hope to have fun with him...
haha...

people asked mi abt him 2dae..
told then itz all over..
they were shocked..
expected..

-so much 4 my happy ending-

dAmNEd lOve

2006-04-07T21:34:00.000+08:00

i guess it wasnt meant to be...
i guess i deserve it..

we broke up AGAIN...
on d 6th..
which was yest...
he gave me a letter...
innitiating a break up..
saying tat he will always love me...
juz tat we cannot b 2gether animore..
cuz his heart is with sum1 else..
he took me back cuz he pity me!!!!!

WTF???

PITY??
itz like i soo dun nid this..
pity??..
i have ma own set of admirers sia..
i have moved on sia..
y did he come back juz 2 destroy it again??

i guess it was revenge..
i guess he was not happy..
i guess he gave me back wat i gave him..

he told me he wldnt take revenge...
all lies..
i noe all d mistakes tat i did to him..
he din have to do this to me..
now i have to try to MOVE on again...

thk god amru's still here 4 me...
goin out with him this sat..
2dae goin town with maya n yani...
they promised 2 company mi n lyn mi 2dae..
-syg krg-

no comments abt wat i feeling..
let time heal everything..

2006-04-04T22:05:00.000+08:00

im BACK with him....
im like soooo HAPPY!!!!
I wanna SHOUT!!!!!!
*sCrEaMz!!!!!!*****

we got back together on d 3rd of april...
everybody was SOOO shocked sia...
-lolz-
we r soo gonna werk things out..
i want him 2 trust me back..
no MORE nonsense frm me!!!

*big smiles*
love him!!!
i hope things will b juz like how it used to b...
take things slow...
i'll prove to him...
-hugs-

ya n ain...
ma blog wont b pedih2 animore la..
cuz i gt wat i've always wanted back...
haha....
so does tat mean tat his mine forever?
lol

sad,shocked!!

2006-04-01T21:10:00.000+08:00

im like still awake..
itz like 5am in da morn..
ijal was under ma blk arnd 2am..
called mi juz to sae he miss mi...

was msn-ing wih him....
like normal when things suddenly get mixed up...
hw wanted me back...
i asked him whether he is serious abt this..
he told me he was...
then i sae i scared he will like give me back wat i gave him...
in another words,"bastard me back".....
then he gt angry..
said itwas "menghampakan"..
n told mi 2 forget it..
then he log off...

m i supposed 2 b sad?...
laugh?..
cry?...

y m i in this state ?of confusion?...
do i still love him..?
y m i hesitating?....
-sigh-

2006-04-01T15:45:00.000+08:00

Something happened today...
ijal called me...
we talked..
abt things n mistakes tat were made...
before n aft we broke off.....
i told him all tatz in ma heart..
he told mi his...
n i noe no matter wat..
we both will cherish wat we had b4..
the love..
the days when we were...
TOO LOST IN each other...
i miss him..
seriously do..
n he missed me too..
but we both know things will not get back like last time..
learning frm my mistakes,
i find it hard to accept..
even up till now..
i run away frm everything..
things tat will remind me of him...
we ended d conversation hoping we wld b able to c each other again....

i went to werk...
tired...
then arnd 7 plus,
yani told mi tat ijal was infront..
asking 4 me...
only god knows how happy i was at tat moment..
i went up to him..
he looked different..
he put back his old2 piercing..
he still looks fine to me...
he gave me a small paper bag...
filled with lyrics with a whole lot of meanings...
told him i was bz n mayb we cld mit aft werk..
he just smiled..

he did mit mi..
he waited 4 mi..
d same place he used to wait 4 mi..
i felt like crying...
cuz i missed d old days when we were together..
then we go civic...
alot of things had chg..
loco have chg partner...
new pple in our old grp...
i sat down..
feeling out of place..
but ijal made mi feel better..
we listen to my MP3 like wat we used to do..
n he lemme listen 2 our song..
"too lost in you" by sugababes..
then he looked at me..
d wae he used to look...
i turned away..
then we went to civic garden..
spent time juz d two off us...
showed him tat i kept all of his msgs..
frm d dae he knew me,
till d dae tat we became lovers,
n till d dae tat we were no longer together..
all d pictures...
everything is still there..
i knew he still love me..
the wae he looked at mi...
he sent me home soon aft tat...
he kissed me...
i was shocked..
pleased..
i miss his kisses..
he held my hand..
n we walk...
juz like how it used to b...
all d jokes abt crossing d road..
everything..
we sat down to talk..
like how it used to b everytime he sent me home..
we were reminded of wat happened d dae we broke up..
pushing it all away..
he told mi tat he missed me..
keep repeating it...
then he kissed me...
longer then it shld b...'
then i pulled away..
saying tat i need to go home..
i know that if i stayed there longer,
i wld cry..he wanted to take pictures..
we did...

then i went home...
he hugged mi 1 last time..
kissed my forehead...
while giving me a sad smile...
i told him tat i noe he still love me...
then d doors to d lift closed...
his eyes locked in mine...
then i walked away...

in ma room...
reading the lyrics tat he gave me..
it saddened me...
he wrote me d lyric to d song tat he used to sing to me every nite..
when we were still together..
"tentang kita" by peterpan..
then d other two were different lyrics..
meaningful as i know tat he used the lyrics to tell me how he felt..
n i understood the hidden meaning...
i was so stupid to do wat i did to him...

hAppY hAppY dAE!!!

2006-03-31T15:57:00.000+08:00

ya..
so 2dae was a pretty cool dae..
slept until 4pm then wake up bath n go 2 werk...
werkin was great 2dae...
haha...
gt 1 great lookin guy in PH..
took his order...
was with his friend...
drg ajak aku mkn skali..
lol..wth...
the guy kept askin 4 mi sia..
but i kept ma cool..
mcm phm jek...
haha...
actually it all doesnt bother me tat much..
mcm bdk pri pulak nak go gugugaga over some guy who is like sooo hot..

then gt a group of angmohs..
they sae i gt a beautuful smile!!
lol..
mcm bangga gi2 kan...
banyak org uh puji aku niari..
*smiles*
*next stop kembangan*
only ma poly mates understand tat line..
lol..

watever la...
actually all this small2 things are d things tat can make ur day....
but at d end of d dae,
every sadness tat u hide frm the world will emerge when u're alone..
in your room...
waiting 4 something..
that you noe will not come no matter wat...

tatz SAD!!
nvm..
juz take things slow..
one at a time...

Flashback

2006-03-29T20:32:00.000+08:00
itz like 4.30am n i still havent slp...
im like thinkin abt him...
n i cnt slp..
haiz..

sad

2006-03-29T18:11:00.000+08:00
went out with naz...
had an ok2 dae...
he's nice...
nice bike...
too bad...
not my type..
haiz...

he is like so into me...but im not..

on his bike i was like thinkin abt amru which was totally not cool of me to do tat..
but wth...
naz was speeding all d wae..
i was like,"I hope he wont let this be ma last day..."
i shouted 4 him 2 slow down...
wanted to kill him sia...
tatz y i was thinkin abt amru..
cuz amru dun speed...

haiz...
i did sumtin yest..
i told HIM off...
haiz..
y did i do that?
-->no idea<--
*sad face*
i juz wanna HIM to 4get me...
y?
-->no idea<--
shld i regret it??...
-->no idea<--
desperate times calls for deaperate measures..
does it hurts?..
-->of course<--
m i like talkin to maself?
-->like *duh*<--

while typing all this i like suddenly think abt ma ex...
haiz...
how he used to sing to me every nyte b4 i go to slp...
d song is by peterpan:semua tentang kita..
im like so missing it...
movin on...

----------> i Miss HIM <---------------

AttItUdE..

2006-03-28T20:35:00.000+08:00
--> THe pEoPLe AsKeD Me hOw i'vE LiVeD Till NoW
I TeLL ThEm i dOn't kNoW
I GuEsS ThEy uNdErStAnD,
hOw lOneLy lIfE HaS BeEn.
BuT LiFe bEgAn aGaIn..
ThE DaE YoU tOoK My HaNd.
AnD YeS,I KnOw hOw LoNeLy LiFe cAn bE,
tHe sHaDoW FoLlOwEd mE.
AnD ThE NyTeZ WoN'T SeT Me fRee
BuT I DoNT LeT tHe eVeNiNg gEt mE DoWn
NOw tHaT YoU'Re aRoUnD Me
AnD YoU LoVeD Me tOO
yOu'rE ThOuGhTs aRe jUsT FoR ME..
yOu sEt mY SpIrItS FrEe
I'M HaPpY ThAt yOu dO
tHe BoOk oF LiFe iS BrIeF
aNd oNcE ThE PaGe iS rEaD
aLL bUt lOvE Is dEad
ThAt is mY BeLiEf.... <--

yah so the dae begins like normal...go werk...late by 1 hour..haha....all d conflicts happening at PH is reali getting out of hand sia..all d attitudes tat the people involved had...i wld rather not be involved but in someway i am cuz im there sia..when things happen im always there..nasib im nt d culprit or victim...to those who know d story,all i can sae is that the truth will come out in the end...dun b afraid if ur not in d wrong..time will tell..

other than that everything is like normal la...naz contact with me back...marzuqie oso..dua2 ckp sal aku drg patah hati..mcm phm..

im like lazy to think abt anitin animore..all i noe is i will juz go with d flow...

HE lied sia...
do think i care????
watever!

i miss ma poly friends sia...
-->ain belo
-->nurul
-->ema
-->aisha
and saper2 that i hung out with in sch...
*hugs*

the perfect day...

2006-03-27T19:53:00.000+08:00
i feel so happy 2dae......
it was like d perfect dae 4 me yest....
lets me story from d begining...
supposed 2 mit Amru at d cntrl stn at 2.30pm....
i reach there arnd 2.45pm n he is not even there..lol..
*screams*
so i waited 4 him with Adam accompaning me thru d phone...
Amru reach at about 3.10pm...
supposed 2 b angry at him but cant la cuz he is like so cute....
he called me n tell mi tat he's late cuz he watched this rosyam nor's drama n tatz y he's late..
mcm cute kan...hahaha...
then kiter naik motor g eat at geylang at hajah maimunah's...
d food was good...haha...
n cheap...*duh*...lol...
Amru made me choose since he cant make up his mind...
*laughs*
while eating we take pictures..lol...
then we talk cock...
pure shit...hahahaha...
the we go east coast...
fun sia.....
n we took lotsa pics......
we sit n talk cock again...
n i noe ur weak spot Amru..haha...
we like kutok alot of people..haha...
N d indian lady is Amru's fav..

then go sight-seeing at geylang...
opened up ma eyes to alot of things..
like prostitutes....
how they earn their living and all that...
gt to noe lotsa hotels with d same name like fragrance hotel gt lotsa names...
but i dun rem anithing..lol...
too baD...
then go esplanade....
sit n talk.....
njoy d nite wind....
Look in each others eyes..
haha..da mcm drama romantic sia..
but yah...
he taught me lotsa things..
opened me up to a whole different world..
showed me things tat i din noe b4..
taught me how to always thing positive...
taught me sumtin abt d ship thingy....
wat each light stands for...
like red,yellow,green...
hmmmm..........
gave me a massage..
feel good man..
but geli sia...lol...

*roll my eyes big2*
haha..so overall i totally enjoyed the day..
hahaha....thks k Amru...!

aniwaes,back to reality...
REALITY CHECK!!
HE is so different towards mi now sia...
its like HE is so sarcastic with mi abt how many guy friends i have..
i dun noe wat HE wants me to do sia...
HE is acting like he dun even care abt me sia...
n it is such a turn off 2 me..
how can HE expect me to always b d 1st 2 do eveything..??*arrgghhh*
.....juz wish HE could understand how i feel..
But i guess i have to juz forget it..
since HE dun care...
n HE acts like shit towards me..
dun even wanna msg or anitin...
always judging people..
eventhough HE dun noe anitin..
juz saying everything OR anitin to make himself feel satisfied..
n tat watever happens wOnt b his fault...
hah!!!
AND call mi only if HE like need or want sumtin...

i wonder y i cared so much since there r other guys ..much better guys...
WTH..
WTF...

HE is a nice guy..
seriously...
but i guess there r just some faults in everybody...
....*sigh loud2*

pictures!!!

2006-03-27T19:30:00.000+08:00

amru!!

totally love this pic!!

asl tutop mate eh?....*smiles*

amru is wearin ma slip ons!!!!!!OMG!!!
*LOLZ*

disillusion

2006-03-27T04:53:00.000+08:00
hahaha..life2... yeaterdae go out with fendi,jannah,y,acil,is and remy..juz go lepak only..padahal fendi said he wanna go out with me...i guess he have no mood since he gt 2 noe d gal tat he loved so much is now attached...haiz...
so im like juz there 4 nothing since he din talk to me...only IS n Y talk 2 mi...n entertain mi..jannah with her bf,remy.
seriously im mad la that he wld do this but wth..im juz his friend..cant sae anitin much..
when i gt hm i din msg him...juz dun feel like it...i juz feel like he is using me?ntah la eh....
amru oso said that mayb he juz dun wanna b serious since he cant 4get his old flame n move on...
watever la..
im like goin out with amru again 2dae...dun noe go where...juz noe that i have no mood 2 go to werk..lol...f**k la with d management..

2006-03-25T20:30:00.000+08:00
WeLcOmE To mY LiFe-->
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
And no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside your bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me...
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work
It was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

i wonder y pple dun understand that if u like sumone u hafta tell that person so that d person wont b left hanging...
how do u expect d other party to know how u feel when u dun tel??...
arrgghh!!
i juz hate ma life rite nw...
nasib baik ader AMRU who like call mi every nite n mepek with me..
lol

-->please don't be so egoistic <--

moving on...

2006-03-24T21:03:00.000+08:00
2Dae gt mizunderstandin with fendi AGAIN...haiz..i dun even noe y wat we were arguing abt sia...alih2 jek seh..then he sae tat 2dae will b d last dae tat we talk..i was like,"wat??r u 4 real??".....i dun noe wat 2 sae la..he means a lot 2 me..he helped me n lot n 4 other reasons that i cant sae in public...
i uz wanna him 2 understand tat i do care abt him no matter wat...yes i lied to him b4...n i noe itz hard 4 him 2 forgive...4 all d wrongs tat i do..but he did 4give mi..n im glad..nw i wanna things to get back to d wae it shld b...
haiz...

talk to this guy name halim...met him at pizza hut juz now...fun 2 talk to him..put down with him arnd 2am cuz amru called...haha..talkin abt amru..he mepek alot 2dae sia...since im like changin ma blogskin n all takes alot of time so he juz like talk to himself all d wae...haha..sampai bbl sal bird flu siak...lol...
then he sae d meaning of blog is,"buah longlai org giler!!"
hahaha...mepek 2 d max sia....seriously amru is damn funny n open..
shld go spa with him one dae..(kan amru??u noe i noe la eh amru...)

haha...then put down with him cuz he tired then halim called me again...then put down cuz i cant cncentrate sia...haha...nw itz like near to 6am...hhaa...i like wanna go slp liao...

gotten over him...

2006-03-21T16:36:00.000+08:00
Learning to get over thingz...fendi help mi a whole bunch....but we always have misunderstanding....
haiz..sumtimes i juz dun understand...how can he sae i dun care?....
i waited 4 his call..
everyday...
everynite..
msg him everydae..
mcm gi2 die ckp kiter tak kisah..
haiz..

letz talk abt amru..
hehe...
he veRRRRy nice...
haha...
brought mi out...
veRRRy happening..
watch "underworld revolution"..
but b4 that we go sit at starbucks...
drink like rich people..
haha..
Seblom tgk movie, kiter nak li nachos tau..
then da beli,then waitress ckp "ketchup or chilli"..
then amru sae chilli..
i was like "WAT???"
Padahal d waitress wasnt talkin to him...
hahaha
lol..

aft d movie we go eat at md sultan
mkn pizza n spagetti...
full 2 d max siak..
hhahaa...
THEN GO TAKE PICS...
(ps:amru i want d photos..!!)
talk 2 him..
mepek with him...
felt veRRRy comfortable with him...
*smiles*

then go home..
on his bike..
now i feel ok2 la naik motor..
amru yg ajar..
haha..
motor die big big big!!!
haha
lawa...
mcm me!!
hahaha..

i had fun la with him...
amru help me forget abt ma ex..
juz like he said he will..
im glad he help mi forget...
even for 1 dae...
take a step at a time...

Sadness overloaded

2006-03-12T04:20:00.000+08:00

i will not make d mistake again..
haiz..
for him 2 cum back,i dun noe..
now i wldnt want him back cuz i shld move on...
amru's helping me moving on...
fendi too..
haiz..
lied to fendi too..
hope he forgive me sia cuz i seriously dun mean it..
i lied cuz i wanna get close to him..
ya stupid as it may sound but i did it..

i noe itz hard 4 fendi or ijal 2 forgive me...
haiz..
life...

memories

2006-03-10T16:00:00.000+08:00

Sweet Memories...*

All this r memories that r better left forgotten..memories that hurtz too much 2 even think abt it...
yes itz ma mistake..
i went clubbin n drank n watsoever..
he found out abt it..
he hates it..
he left me...
haiz..

cant reali blame him..
itz ma fault..
so now im like goin thru everything alone...
all ma friends dun care cuz they noe itz ma fault..
2 them HE wont make mistakes..
HE is perfect..
watever..
he LIED 2 me too..
haiz..

A lot of this happened that i dun noe where to start..
im sick of everything...
sick of tellin people..
sick of explaining...
wat they wanna think..
up 2 them..

on d 6th is supposed 2 b our 1st mth..ya hard 2 believe..itz only our 1st mth but its hard 4 me to forget...cuz im d 1 who made d mistake..he left mi on tat dae too..
haiz...*sad smiles*

happening!!

2006-03-06T21:47:00.000+08:00
im like sooo bad nowadaes..
went clubbing with jannah and all...
go to desire..
had fun like *toot*..
then mabok..
then go sentosa...
then go....hmm....sumwhr la..
then go home..
so basically had fun...
nak story panjang sgt...
all i noe i in d daes tat i overnite i was close with fendi..
n i felt comfortable with him...
as a friend la..
duh..

pictos-->

jannah,me n yana

jannah and me

My oAtH For yOu....

2005-11-09T14:15:00.000+08:00
If oNe dAe yOu fEeL LiKe cRyInG....cAll Me...
I DuN PrOmIsE TaT I WiLL mAkE U lAuGh, bUt i cAn cRy wItH YoU..
If oNe dAe YoU wAnNa rUn aWaY,dUn bE AfRaId tO CaLL Me...
I DuN PrOmIsE To aSk yOu tO sToP BuT I Can rUn wItH YoU..
If oNe daE YoU DuN WAN To lIsTeN To aNiOnE..CaLL Me..
i PrOmIsE TO Be ThErE FOr YoU,AnD I'LL Be VeRy quiEt...
BuT iF OnE dAe yOu cAll AnD tHeRe Is nO aNsWEr..
CoMe FaSt To sEe mE..PeRhApS I NiD YoU...

haiz...ngah mendakz siak...ngah ader computer class....semua kwn aku tegur asl aku mcm sakit then mcm kurus siak..aku da mcm blurz...pada aku,aku samer jek..haiz...mungkin sal aku tak tdo da brape hari da...aku tak leh tdo walaupon aku ngantok...ader benda yg uat aku stress...haiz....pat sch ni aku rase cam boring..mcm mls nak sch lagi...pi sal ape aku tak tau sgt..lau sal matair,tak mungkin....aku tak tau uh..aku ngah cnfuse rabak siak....

semlm,aku blg faizal segala ape yg aku pk,ape yg aku rase selama ni...then die ckp kiter tak sesuai...aku bldg die sal ni sumer bkn utk die ckp kiter tak sesuai sial....aku ckp ni supaya die le ubah...aku da byk uh berubah utk die...lelaki pon aku tak cntact siol...drg yg gile nk lyn aku...

nape faizal tak phm aku sia..asl asyik aku je yg nak kene uat semua so that tiz relationship will werk?asl die mcm tak heran?mcm lau die ilang aku bagi die tak de pape....ape yg aku kene buat so tat he will treat me fine...?aku da atak tau uh ape nak uat lagi..itz all up to him uh now..

die ckp ngan aku yg die nak time utk pk sal ni sumer...but 4 wat seh..lau die btol2 syg aku die le slowly ubah pe..takyah nak minta break ni sumer...sot siak...bkn nye slame ni aku tak sabar ngan die...aku tau die byg sabar sal mon nye hal...aku pon tau die stress n ader problem lain..pi tak kan sampai lyn aku ni mcm siol...

Lepas ni nak kene g umah ain then maybe g tgk wayang..haiz...nak jumpe dier pon die ckp die kene g jln raye..gasak la...aku lau pk kan sgt pon aku yg sot sendiri...

i seriously love him a lot uh..
but for now i guess it doesnt mean a thing to him...
so i juz kip it 2 myself..
and maybe one dae...
he will realise....
but till then...
it remains...
deep in my heart....

*sAd2 dAe*

2005-10-28T17:56:00.000+08:00

niari faizal tak ambik aku alik keje..die ckp die kuar ngan family die..ntah le caye ke tak...haiz..die uat aku sot siak...smlm 1mth pon die uat bdh..skakat wish jek..pas 2 die kuar ngan zakir sumer cari baju kurung.tak ajak aku pon..tersinggung hati aku kejap..pi takpe..tak pasal..mayb die nak kuar ngan leleki jek..aku phm...alik die tak msg..senang kate ape2 pon die tak msg uh...aku yg nak kene initiate d 1st move..sumer aku..aku g aner,uatpe,ngan sape,da alik lom ke ape ke aner ader die tanye atau ambik kisah..mcm aku takde matair siak... uat ape aku suke...tapi bkn 2 yg aku nk..kenape faizal tak phm??mungkin die mmg tak penah syg aku..2 sbb die mcm ni...tapi asl die ngan aku?ape motive dier?..lau die tak syg aku ckp uh ngan aku..aku le jln uh dari idop dier..tak nak susah kan hidop dier uh...dier uat otak aku mati uh...aku sayang die sia...sayang sia...lau tak aku tak nangis every fucking single nyte juz cuz of hiz ignorant behaviour uh...tapi aku nangis air mata darah pon die tak kan tau...ape aku uat utk die pon dier tak tau...lelaki minta no. aku ape aku uat?aku ckp aku ader dier la sial..aku maner ader lyn lelaki sgt..aku pon da tak heran ngan drg...faizal ckp dulu dier nak tolong aku lupekan mon..pi skrg ngan perangai die ni mcm aku makin carik mon...aku nak org lyn aku...lyn aku nyer penat...lyn aku nyer mepek...lyn aku nyer manje...faizal tak penah uh uat ni mcm...tak penah nak romantic pon uh..die ckp die pendiam..k fine le accept..pi tak kan pendiam sampai tak msg sumer kan?...msg tak bbl pe...le tanye pe aku kt maner ke...da alik lom ke...msg uh...die pon jarang nak ckp die syg aku ke....rindu ke...2 sumer aku jugak yg nak kene ckp aru die ckp...dulu slalu suro aku cal....skrg da tak..aner ader lagi..aku rase die pon tak nak bbl ngan aku...sbb everytime kiter takde topic..jadik boring nak bbl pt tepon..dua2 rase boring...aku kadang2 bbl pon die diam..mcmne aku nak open up pt dier seh?mcmne aku nak blg dier masalah aku sumer?...sape nak dgr problem aku?..ader matair pon mcm takde siak....

WAtZ D MeAnInG Of LifE?

2005-10-28T14:47:00.000+08:00
ThE LoVe tHaT We sHaRe...
ThE ThOuGhTs tHaT We hAvE...
tHe pLaNs tHaT We mAkE...
Is iT All JuZ A PhAsE All CoUpLez Go tHrU..
tO GeT On wItH LiFe?..
Is iT All JuZ WoRdZ...
jUz tO MaKe oNe fEel BeTtEr?...

hAiZ....y doesnt he care?2dae is our 1st mth n he went out with other pple...I UnDeRsTaNd uH ThAt He wAnTZ 2 bUy BaJu kUrOnG BuT ..... hE CaN At lEaSt aSk mI AlOnG SiA..I feel so hurt ah that he chose to b ignorant in our relationship...Ive tried to do ALMOST everything to make this werk..but it seems like its no use..i feel tired aft doin all of it..it still doesnt make a difference...he told mi he dun like mi 2 cntact other guys..i dun...they cntact mi....i follow watever he wantz mi 2 do uh...everything that he dun like,i follow..watever i dun like.......*sigh*...doesnt matter la...
i feel like im juz going thru tiz relationship juz for the sake of it..he is not putting in the effort..im realli getting stress over thiz...he dun seem to notice..

i realli dun noe wat to sae...we almost broke up cuz of miscommunication....i tried to tell him wat i feel...he doesnt even look like he's listening...itz like he dun understand the words that r coming out of ma mouth...i hate that lah!!!!
SAYANG!!!!!haiz...i juz wish he understand mi...
he asked mi to call him n i did n then he juz kip qiuet.wth.im not saying that he is not nice or wat..itz juz tat he doesnt show...if nt only 4 awhile....i want him 2 b ma bf NOT sumbodi to ACT as my bf...

IzIn kAn dIrIkU MeLuAh kAn rAsA..
mAakKaN lA AkU AnDaI KaU TeRaSa..
bIaR Ku pApaRkAn aPa yG TeRjAdI...
mOgA eNgkAu tAk UlAnGi...

i lOvE HiM AlOt uH....

NeW Me...

2005-10-26T03:00:00.000+08:00
NeW BlOg aDdY..NeW Me....